In psychology, Wikipedia describes trust as believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected.
Trust it says, is integral to the idea of social influence. It is easier to influence or persuade someone who is trusting.
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. As species, we humans tend to depend on forming bonds and connections with each other for survival.
Relationships such as friends, family, employers, significant others [spouse] further complicates this subject.
The more we meet new people and allow them into our lives, the more they learn about us, and the more we become vulnerable. Thus, we run the risk of being let down and hurt by others.
Often atimes, I have asked myself, why do us humans who desire such close relationships with others, do things to break a loved one’s trust?
We invest time and a lot of energy to earn this trust, and in a split second, it can easily be thrown away.
As you build a new relationship, you gradually gain someone’s trust and they gain yours, and the closeness deepens as time passes.
This process happens naturally and usually easily until one party does something to break that trust. Then you get hurt, and confused, surrounded by all the debris of the relationship.
Trust can be broken in so many ways. Dishonesty, disrespectful behaviour and insensitivity are some.
As someone who does not trust easily, I am quick to distance myself once I feel betrayed.
The scariest and saddest part of it all is that the people who hurt you the most are the ones that you never expected would do so.
The closer the bond, the more vulnerable you become. If a close worker or casual friend does something to hurt us, we may be angry or disappointed, but we can easily move past it. Betrayals by those closest to you however cuts deep, like an old rusty knife, and it takes much longer to heal.
It may eventually heal but it will undoubtedly leave a scar that cannot be fully hidden and continue to ache from time to time and based on what happened to violate trust the damage may be minor or catastrophic.
Mistrust forms, distance forms between two spouses. Freedom to express love or be vulnerable feels unsafe.
Communication breaks down and viability of the relationship comes at risk.
Rebuilding trust once it is broken requires a mutual effort. Each person has a role to play in the rebuilding process.
When trust is broken, it is difficult to move beyond the hurt and pain of betrayal to forgiveness.
Broken trust rocks the very foundation of even the most secure relationship.
When your trust is betrayed, it is natural to feel lost inside yourself and unable to grasp the reality around.
Rebuilding that trust in someone is not something you can achieve in a matter of hours, days, or even months to atimes. It takes a whole load of time.
When your trust is broken and you have not healed, it is hard to focus on anything else other than protecting yourself, let alone on building trust.
The only person who can help you find that safe place is you, an emotionally safe place because it is a solitary journey.
In gaining clarity and healing, here are few self exploratory creative ways that could help:
When you write, you are opening the line of communication within
Do not worry about what you write, just get yourself into the habit of doing it and eventually your thoughts will start flowing.
Listening to music that is meaningful to you can put you back in touch with
some feelings you may be avoiding or not noticing, that require working through.
Music resonates internally, and music can be used as a compass to finding the places within yourself that are wounded and later on healing them.